Update?

Life is started to feel well....chaotic....I'm an 18 year old dude going off to college and I'm still confined to the walls of my household stuck with the parentals....it's not that I hate my parents, I'm just 18 and I want to be with the people I chill with. I'm never going to see most of them again and I want to chill with the people who influenced me the most. But anyway that's just the rantings of an upset teen. On to more subordinate topics. I'm getting lazy. Senioritis? No. Just laziness! I can see the end, taste it; but yet I'm so far away from it. I desire to be there but sadly I am not. And I'm getting lazy. It's not showing in my grades but I still can feel it. My work is not my best and I'm procrastinating really really badly....and that is not good. But anyway life is just moving at the speed of a turtle and college is around the corner! My daily routine consists of going to school, working, loving my girlfriend to the best of my ability, with all of my heart, and worrying about the future. So yeah, just thought I would give the world and update on my life. I'm striving towards the future. And can see the finish line, but am not quite there yet. Please please please pray for my laziness! Please!!! God Bless! Oh and by the way I've started writing a novel! Well two actually, one is something that my parents and I have inspired: "What not to talk about at family dinner" title sucks but it gets the point across. And the other doesn't have a title right now but I'll release more details when the outline is drawn up. Ideas are a rumbling in my mind and I have to get them on paper! If you have any ideas in the future about titles for these please comment and let me know! Thank you and God Bless!

-Jbell

Trapped Death

Boxes and boxes one, two, three,
Caged in can only see,
the outside of this fence that surrounds me.

Thoughts of life, of joy and glee,
Are all thoughts that cannot belong to me,
Trapped by this cold firm grip to be.

No freedom nor choice will I ever see,
To decide the facts that only I can be,
Growing so fast, sprout up like a tree,

My mind is falling, drowning in the sea.
I have no reason to stay here with thee,
So I must leave to look out for me.

To my love my wife to be:
Don't you ever forget of me,
Remember the good times and the time of glee.

Tell the story of you and me,
How we met and came to be,
Living in the city by the sea.

Look to the sky if you ever need me,
or down below if I was greedy,
I love you now more that you'll ever see,

I'll never forget my letter, T.

Johnny Cash

Johnny Cash. A great inspiration to many people. Fantastic at what he did. He is one of my favorites. Here is Johnny Cash everyone:

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine.
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds.
Because you're mine, I walk the line.

I find it very, very easy to be true.
I find myself alone when each day is through.
Yes, I'll admit I'm a fool for you.
Because you're mine, I walk the line.

As sure as night is dark and day is light.
I keep you on my mind both day and night.
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line.

You've got a way to keep me on your side.
You give me cause for love that I can't hide.
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide.
Because you're mine, I walk the line."

Gotta love that Johnny Cash everyone.

File Cabinets...

I am flooded. My thoughts are drowning me and consuming me whole. Have you ever had your mind so set on something, and when it even remotely has the possibility of being removed from your life, you can't get your mind off of it? I'm not talking about something small like winning an award or crap like that, I'm talking about loosing something that is so dear to you, so fragile that if lost, may never return to you again. Well that's what is happening to me. I'm still up at 12:22 AM and I'm still thinking about the same thing! I can't fall asleep because it bugs me so much. My future and the future of this situation is at steak. I sometimes don't feel as though I have any control over my life because if I did, things would work out differently. I think that I have no say in this matter at all. And God is doing this for some weird reason that I won't understand for years to come....it's hard....to let this go....to stop thinking and desiring more than what I have in this situation. I need to think about the opposite side of the situation rather than my own, and I have been trying to do that, but it doesn't work out...maybe I'm just too stubborn to see what really needs to be done....I don't know.



Lord, thank you for your grace, thank you for the love that you show. I don't understand Lord. Please give me direction to what needs to be done. Open my eyes to your will and show me the future for this situation. Guide me and protect me in all that I do. Thank you Father. Amen

Ah, Music.

You know what I love? Music. Just taking the long way home listening to some good music with a good beat. I love it. There is nothing like just driving around hearing someone else pour out their soul into a song. I wish I could do that. Pour my soul into a song. I've never been blessed with that talent but I sure can appreciate someones talent other than my own. Music is fantastic. Like Beck and VAST. Good stuff to just chill to.

Two More Poems

I Believe

I was once walking and I heard a Voice
The Voice told me that I had a choice
I pretended that I didn’t hear,
Although I couldn’t turn my ear.
The Voice followed me down the path,
Until I stopped to turn and laugh.
I turned and said that I couldn’t believe,
Then He said that He wouldn’t leave.
He said “I am the way, the truth, and the light…”
He said it over and over until I screamed with great fright.
I screamed “Who are you so bold to say,”
“How come you didn’t save me today.”
“You say you’re the light but I wouldn’t know,”
“I’m stuck in this darkness until tomorrow.”
The Voice said that there was one way out,
Then I fell on my knees and began to shout.
There was only one way to see the light,
But I was so stubborn that I turned to fight.
“Where have you been all of these years?”
“Through all the hard times and all the tears?”
The Voice said “I was always there”
“I was always here and everywhere”
“Through all your pain and hardships too”
“I was always there to see you through.”
“You just didn’t know me at the time”
“And now all you have to do is climb.”
“Climb to the highest of heights you see,”
“Climb up until you meet me.”
I pondered until I knew the way,
And then I found that I couldn’t stay.
I started climbing up to the top,
I went so high I thought I would drop.
Once I got there it couldn’t be
That I was in Heaven with the One and Only.
He said “Come to me son, and don’t ever leave,”
“For you are here because you believe,”
“I love you more than you’ll ever know,”
“I’ll always love you today and tomorrow,”
“You are forgiven for all you’ve done,”
“And I am proud to call you my son.”


Beach

The crashing of the blue-bubbling waves roll over my feet,
The sound of the water is soothing to my mind,
I see the setting sun on the horizon making a blood-dimmed tide,
The warm soft sand forms to my back as I sit in its loving warmth,
And the soft breeze is blowing over me to cool me from the sun’s rays.

My life is all but a dream,
And all is as it should seem,
The loving of the blood-dimmed tide
Is sure to cool my side.
The warmth that I feel from the sun,
Is angles having fun.
The roaring of the waves,
Is the sound of the dead in their graves.
Their rising from ground,
Is that very sound,
I hear when the waves pound down.

Love

What is love really? Well let me just take this moment to say yes, I am a guy and I am about to Blog about love. Creepy maybe, but I am in love so it’s relevant and I have an excuse. Love is something that makes people do irrational and rational things. It drives people crazy and places them in that new “sensation” or thrill or exhilaration. Love really is whatever you want to make of it. People show love through many different ways such as: spending time with someone, talking, gifts, good deeds etc. I love my girlfriend, she and I have been together for (this may sound creepy but I’m taking the time to do this anyway. lol) 1 year, 8 days, 20 hours, and 52 minutes, and I strongly believe that God has shown me what it is like to love through her. Taylor has been such a blessing, and I wouldn’t trade anything for any of the days I have spent with her. The funny this is Taylor and I are different personalities. I don’t talk much and she does. (That’s the big one.) But I love her so much! I really do. Anyway what I’m trying to say is love is a very powerful emotion, Webster defines love as a strong feeling of attraction resulting from sexual desire; enthusiasm or fondness. But to me love is not just a feeling, but it is the way that you treat that special someone that you care for. Treating them so kindly so they'll know you care and love them. Love is how you make another person feel when you are in their presence. Love is the laughter that you share, the time you spend, and the relationship that you build with that special someone; it’s that silly bubbly feeling you get inside the pit of your stomach when you see that special someone. It’s putting aside your pride, your own desires, your own agenda, and caring for that person more than yourself. It’s (this may sound morbid) when you would take a bullet, or do anything for that person so that if their life was in danger, you would lay down yours for theirs. (this sounds like a guy’s opinion of love). I am in love. I’m really not nervous to express that. Taylor knows it. My friends know it. My family knows it. Her family knows it. Love is something that you are not to be ashamed of. It is that bond that, if it’s a true bond, can never be broken.

“If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back they’d never ask you to.”